Until I disappear
by ButterBlume97
Summary: This is a story what would have happenend if both Tris and Tobias had chosen Abnegation. I don't know yet if it will be a lovestory or not. It starts at the Choosing Ceremony.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is my first story for Divergent. I hope you like it. I would be happy to happy for any kind of criticism, because I don't know if my English is good enoguh and if I describe the characters properly. The chapters will probably get longer than this one.  
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**Hope you enjoy it, Butterblume.**

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"Caleb Prior," says Marcus.

Caleb squeezes my hand one last time and steps forward. He takes the knife from Marcus. I know what he is going to do. I have known it for years.

Caleb closes his eyes and turns to the Erudite bowl. His blood turns the water red. His blood in the water. I watch him, his head ducked, trying to hide behind them. The Erudite smile. After they released all those reports about our faction, I can guess what they are thinking. One more reason why they are better than everyone else.

I feel someone nudging me. The Amity girl next to me nods in Marcus direction. He must have called my name. I make my feet move and step forward. He hands me the knife. I cut my hand, but then hesitate.

I can't do this. I have to choose know. I am aware that everybody is watching me. Caleb has left. I will be the child that stays. I will be.

My eyes scan the crowd around me. Even though my brother has chosen to ally with the enemy, I would never do that. It feels like betraying my father. My blood leaves rod spots on the floor. What will happen if I just stand here without doing anything? Would I be factionless? I can't risk that.

I glance at the people of Abnegation. My faction. Most of them have a blank expression. But one looks straight at me, as if he was trying to tell me something. I have never seen him before. My hand shifts. Red blood drips on the gray stones.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm sorry it didn't work yesterday when I tried to upload this chapter. I hope it works now. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I will try to finish the next chapter today.**

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I hear someone sigh with relief as I stand behind the wall of people wearing grey. Maybe it's my dad. _I'm here, Dad. Caleb has left, but you still have me._ I don't really pay attention to the rest of the Ceremony. I only realize there are few people to choose Abnegation this year.

Next to me there is a girl I barely recognize. She doesn't look at me. I hear a murmur going through the rows. Curiously I glance at the boy who just made his decision. He is wearing black clothes, that means, he is from Dauntless. And he walks my way, his head down, trying to avoid the looks his former faction gives him. They won't ever mention him again for transferring. Especially because he went to Abnegation. This must have been a great act of bravery for him. I wonder why he doesn't fit with the Dauntless.

After the Choosing Ceremony the other members of our faction stay to help with stacking the chairs and cleaning the room, but Marcus leads the initiates to the stairs immediately. We follow him without talking.

There are only seven of us. Susan walks next to me. I smile a little when I see her. Maybe my life won't change too much after initiation.

Robert is nowhere to be seen. I never believed he would choose another faction. I wonder where he is right now.

We arrive at our new home at sunset. Marcus made us walk all the way to the Abnegation sector of the city. "Don't think of yourselves," he told us when we started. "Think of the people who have to live here. For the next month, you are going to work here. There are several people who are observing how you do, but basically you are on your own. After initiation is over, we will decide if you are selfless enough, to become members of our faction."

I gasp. I thought no one would ever fail initiation here. My parents told me we had to do social work. Who could fail at helping people? _I could, _a voice in my head says. However I don't believe they would ever kick someone out. This would be the very reserve of what it says in the Faction Manifesto.

The boy next to me shudders. It's the same one that was standing next to me after I chose. Apart from him there's only one other transfer, a girl in a bright red dress that looks strange in this sea of grey.

We are guided to a small grey house. It looks like the house I've lived in my whole life. I feel at home.

There is a little kitchen, a bathroom and two separate rooms for the initiates. The boys go to the left. I find myself in the other room with Susan and the Amity girl. It feels a little awkward to be here with them. When we are alone, Susan bows her head at the girl."My name is Susan," she says. "It's nice to meet you."

"I'm Abby," she says quietly. I feel sorry for her. I know everything about this faction, but she has never seen it before. This is all going to be new to her. I'm not sure if she can make it. But we will help her, of course. Amity and Abnegation aren't that different after all.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning begins with a small breakfast. I'm the first one to be in the kitchen, so I remind myself that I have to act Abnegation. Don't think of myself. I lay the table and wait for the others to arrive before I start eating.

The first one to arrive is the boy from Dauntless. I recognize him because he is still wearing black. "Good morning," I say. He smiles a little. I want to ask for his name, but the second I open my mouth, I know it would be wrong. Curiosity isn't something the Abnegation approve.

The others spill in a few minutes later and we start eating in silence. I glance at them. For the next month I will be living with them. Susan is the only one I really know. Besides from the two transfers, there are three boys. I think I met them at our last voluntary school project. Of course there were only Abnegation participating.

After breakfast we are greeted by two women who give us our task for today. It's the beginning of the month, so we receive a load of food for the factionless from the Amity. We shall make sure that the order is correct and there is only the amount of food we really need. Nothing should be wasted.

It's easy. All I have to do is count packets of food and arrange them in another truck so they can be delivered to the house where people can get their food.

In the evening when the last truck has left, I feel like I would break down. I never imagined sorting food could be that exhausting. We didn't even have a break for lunch. I don't complain, I shouldn't be thinking of how tired I feel but be happy because I did so much for other people today.

We all gather around in the kitchen. I would rather go to bed, but I don't want to be the only one who is whacked at the first day. So I just sit in the corner and listen to their quiet talking.

Susan is interrogating the Dauntless boy. He still doesn't say his name. "Let's not talk about myself," he says. "Who are you?" Susan blushes a little and stares at the table.

I can't believe it. I have lived in Abnegation my whole life, trying to be selfless and now this guy who has just been here for one day is better than I am. I take a closer look at him. He is kind of handsome with his brown hair and his dark eyes that seem to scan everything at once.

Suddenly his eyes catch mine. For a second he stares at me. I know that he knows I've been watching him. Embarrassed I lower my head. I shouldn't be curios. I stare at the pattern of the floor, trying to loose myself.

"Beatrice? Breakfast is ready. You have to wake up." When I open my eyes I look straight into Susan's face. "Are you okay?" she asks. "Yesterday you seemed like absentminded." I just shake my head and get up. It's time to work again.

Today we don't have much to do. An elderly man hands us little bags of dried fruits and tells us to go around the factionless sector and look for people who seem to be hungry. I don't really understand why we have to do this, because there are already several projects by the government to deliver food to the factionless, so why should we run around and just give things to anyone who looks hungry? I bet there are better ways to organize this.

"Okay, I suggest that we make teams of two," I start. "And every team gets an area, so we don't go anywhere twice." I find myself at the center of their attention. "That's a good idea." Abby smiles at me. It's very Amity of her to comfort me.

Susan wants to be on my team, but I tell her to go with Abby who doesn't seem to be very comfortable with the others. The other boys form another team, so it's just me and the Dauntless left. Susan gives a little smile before we part. I force me to smile back.

"Come on, let's go," the Dauntless says. I follow him down the street.

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**A/N I would love to know what you think about this story, so please leave a review :) By the way, if you have any idea about this mysterious guy, just tell me. Maybe you know him...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, I thought if I didn't have anything else to do, I could just post another chapter today. I don't really have many ideas what they have to do during initiation in Abnegation (besides from social work, whatever this could be), so if you have any idea, just let me know.**

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The silence makes me feel restless. I wipe my hands at my pants. When we turn around a corner, a factionless woman approaches us. Her hair is gray and falls in her face. She has to be very old.

"What are the two of you up to? This is not a nice ambience for a date." She snickers.

"This isn't a date," I try to talk my way of out this. My face must be completely red.

"I see," the woman is still smiling. "I thought interactions between the factions were strictly prohibited. But it's nice to see someone who doesn't care about that."

The Dauntless nods and grabs my arm to drag me forward. I stumble after him. As soon as the woman was out of sight I release my arm and step away from him. "What was that about?" I ask.

"She was totally out of her mind; I don't think we could have done something for her. Let's continue."

When we come back to our apartment in the evening, nobody else is back yet. Without talking we start to make dinner.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door. I exchange a quick glance with him and open the door.

A young man enters. "You are already done?" I nod. "Fine. I think the others will be back soon." He sits down at the table. I raise an eyebrow and take out another plate. I feel like I know him, but I can't remember. While I pretend to look for another set of dishes I secretly watch him. Those dark blue eyes remind me of something. He looks to well-trained to be Abnegation, if I would have seen him in school, I would have thought he were Dauntless or maybe Amity because working on the fields can also be hard. I ban these thoughts from my mind. That should be no concern of mine.

Susan and Abby are the last ones to get home. Once they sit down at the table, the man stands up and introduces himself. "I am Tobias. I will be something like your instructor for the next couple of weeks. Whenever you have a question, you can ask me. And I brought some clothes for you." He faces Abby and the Dauntless boy.

"Thank you," Abby says quietly and takes the clothes Tobias passes her. The Dauntless just shakes his head. "There are people who need these more than I do." Tobias face doesn't give any of his thoughts away. He just puts the clothes back in the box and settles it down on the table.

"From tomorrow on, there will be separate tasks you can fulfill. Either you can do road works in the city, or you can stay here and take care of social activities. I would suggest that you" - He looks at Susan, Abby and me - "stay here, because I think this would be a bit hard for you. The others can decide what they want to do."

What we want to do? That doesn't sound like Abnegation. We were always supposed to do what we were told. Never were we allowed to decide on our own. We shouldn't think about ourselves. I don't know what this is about, but I doubt this is how they usually proceed during initiation.

After dinner Tobias leaves so we have time to decide. For me it's not much of a decision. Physical effort isn't anything I need right now. Road works are definitely out of question for me.

The next morning Susan, Abby and I are the only ones left. I bet all the boys rather wanted to leave the factionless sector. Well, at least I thought so until the Dauntless boy enters the kitchen.

"Oh, hi," Susan says. "I expected you to go with Bill, Jason and Sean." Wow, how does she know all those names? I didn't even think of asking them.

"Working in the city isn't something I feel the need to do. I'd rather really help people."

"Of course," I mutter to myself. Why does he have to be so good at this? I should be better than him. Not even Caleb made me feel this out of place. I knew I have never been good at being selfless. Maybe I would be better off at the Dauntless compound right now. Then I think of my parents and I remember why I did this. I am the child that stays. I am selfless.


	5. Chapter 5

**I was finally able to finish the next chapter. I didn't have any ideas, that's why it took me so long. Thanks to Zariha321 for making a few suggestions, I think that will be help me for the next chapters. **

**I hope you like this chapter. If there's anything I could improve, please tell me.**

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"From today until Visiting Day, I have a nice job for you." Tobias smiles a little. "I didn't expect to have that many of you here. Normally most of the initiates want to do real work. But maybe you just didn't know what was awaiting you here. At the moment there is a little shortage in the education sector of the city."

"I thought the Erudite would take care if educational things," I blurt out. I scold myself immediately for that. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. Tobias doesn't even look at me. "The Erudite take care of the schools, but I was talking about a relatively new establishment that was an idea of the Amity. It's a daycare facility for children of all factions. I hope you will like you job." An elderly Amity man drives us there. It's in the Amity sector of the town, maybe that's the reason I didn't know about it before. And Tobias said it's new, so it probably wasn't there when I had the right age to go there.

The building looks small and cozy. I can see a yard where kids are playing. I spot the colors of all factions mixing. Wow, that's amazing. It's not like in school where we don't interact with the other factions. The children don't care whether their friend is wearing something different. To me it looks beautiful.

My thoughts are interrupted when a girl about our age approaches us. She introduces herself as Madison. "But you can call me Maddy," she says. The Amity and their stupid nicknames.

Abby seems to recognize her, but she doesn't greet her. Maybe they grew up together. Maddy leads us to the main room where we find us surrounded by even more kids. She explains to us that the two leaders of the house fell sick and now it's to her to manage everything. "It's very nice of you to help me," she says and smiles. I notice she especially seems to be interested in the Dauntless boy. I still don't know his name.

"You are mainly here to play with the kids," Maddy continues. "One of you can help me in the kitchen if you want to. Whenever there is a problem, don't hesitate to see me. We want the children to have fun and get along in peace. If there's an argument, try to solve it." With that she disappears behind a door. We stand there, not sure what to do. Abby is the first one to speak up. "I think I am going to help with the cooking and stuff. I think you're better than I am at playing with them." She follows Maddy.

Susan looks around the room and goes over to a small table where a Candor girl is sitting with her little arms crossed, watching two crying Amities. "What's going on here?" she asks friendly. One of the crying kids looks up. "Dana said our pictures are ugly. She is so mean." The Candor girl, Dana, just shrugs. "I was being honest." I am glad Susan is the one to solve this conflict because I wouldn't really know what to do. The Candor and the Amity don't get along well because always telling the truth and wanting everyone to be happy doesn't work.

I step outside in the sun. It's quite chilly, that's why most of the children are still inside. There are only a few Erudite sitting in the shadows with their books and Dauntless ones who are on a climbing frame, daring each other to get even higher. It looks dangerous to me.

I am about to tell them to stop when the Dauntless boy arrives at my side. "It's a game for them," he says. "It's not really dangerous compared to our compound." I try to imagine living in a place like that, with dangers surrounding me all the time. If I had chosen Dauntless, this is where I would be now. My whole life an adventure. I almost regret choosing Abnegation instead.

"Do you miss it?" I ask curiously. The boy sighs. "Yes I do. But let's not talk about me." His typical statement. I suspect he has something to hide. Of course the Abnegation don't talk about themselves, but he avoids any questions. I could even call it selfish of him.

I am distracted by the scream of a little girl. She has to be Dauntless because she is wearing all black. I see her getting up and holding her ankle. Damn, she must have fallen down the climbing frame. I run over to her and kneel down in front of her. "Are you okay?" I ask. She nods although her face is still a grimace of pain. "Come on, let's go inside and sit down for a while, all right?" I say and take her hand. She is walking with a limp. I tell her to sit down on a green chair and take off her foot. Her ankle is swollen. "Stay here!" I tell her and get back with an ice pack. She is looking pale now, but at least she isn't crying. I wonder if that would be sign of cowardice for the Dauntless.

"What is your name?" I ask to distract her. "Meghan," she says quietly. "And it doesn't hurt. Can I go play now?" I shake my head. "Sorry, I don't believe you. I propose to wait with running around until your ankle isn't swollen anymore." She doesn't contradict me. Probably it hurts more than she confessed. I try to think of something to talk to her about. "How old are you?" I ask. She is small and skinny like I am. "I turned five last month," she says. "Mommy said I will go to school next year. Do you like school?" "It's very nice," I say. "You get to learn a lot." "Learn something? I'm not Erudite." I have to laugh. Meghan seems to be pretty smart for her age although she isn't Erudite. Well, you don't know about that for sure until the Choosing Ceremony.

"What is your name?" she asks. "Beatrice," I say. "Wow, that's a pretty name," she states. "But it's so long. Can I give you a nickname?" I nod. "Okay, then you are Tris now." I smile. Tris is a good nickname, I think.

Maddy calls for lunch, so I help Meghan to get up and walk over to the cafeteria where the kids get to eat. There are five tables for the kids of each faction. There are about fifty of them, mostly Amity. Then there are three Abnegation, six Dauntless and about ten from Erudite and Candor. Maddy and Abby serve the meals. Then they sit down to have lunch with us.

"So how do you like it so far?" Maddy wants to know. "The children are very nice," Susan says. "It is a pleasure to work with them." I wouldn't put it that way, particularly after I saw them arguing, but I find myself enjoying it. I don't know if I want to have kids some time, but I would definitely send them here. It's good for them to get to know the other faction and learn to get along early.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here we go again :) In this chapter you are going to find out who the 'mysterious' boy is. I hope you will like it. Please leave a review, that would make me totally happy!**

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In the evening I am totally exhausted from running around in the yard with the kids. A bunch of Amity persuaded me to play tag with them. The result was one scraped knee and a lot of happy kids. However I am relieved when they leave at five. The Amity are fetched by their parents and for the others there is a bus to take them back to the city.

"Thank you so much guys, I didn't know what I would without you." Maddy smiles at us. She guides us to a small room in the back. It's painted bright yellow and there are two bunk beds. "This is where you will be sleeping. It's a bit small, but it will work for you, I hope." She smiles one last time and leaves us alone.

I take a closer look at the room. There is a cupboard next to each bed and a door that leads to a bathroom. Everything is held in bright colors. Like in the whole house there are pictures of beautiful landscapes. I already love this room. It isn't as plain as my room back in Abnegation. Susan looks at the Dauntless boy uneasily. Like me she has never shared a room with a boy before. I decide I don't care about it.

We go to bed early. I find myself at the top of a bunk bed next to the window. When I look outside the only thing I can see is field and trees. The Amity grow apples over there. Someone starts snoring quietly. I can't tell who it is. My bed creaks when I turn around. I hope it won't break. I really don't want to land on top of the boy.

I awake with a sudden. The sun lights up the room. Susan and the boy are still sleeping, but Abby's bed is empty. I crawl out from under my blanket and adjust my clothes. I inspect the cupboard to find it filled with red and yellow Amity stuff. I'm certainly not going to wear this.

Abby is sitting at a laid table in the kitchen, reading a newspaper. I take a chair and get a slice of bread. "Good morning," I say. Abby looks up. "Good morning Beatrice. Did you sleep well?" I nod. "What about you?" "Oh, me too. I got up about a half hour ago." She looks at her watch. "The kids will be here at nine, so we got almost an hour left. Maddy will be here at 8:30 to discuss her plan for the day."

Maddy is there with the usual smile. "Hey guys" she says. "How was your first night?" She doesn't even wait for us to answer and goes on. "I am so glad you're here! In the morning we normally start with a short lesson for the kids. The Erudite insisted that we do something like this; otherwise their children wouldn't be allowed to come here. We try to teach them useful things. Does anyone have an idea?" We shake our heads in unison. "Okay, that's no problem. I thought considering you are from Abnegation you could maybe tell them something about your faction. We already taught them about us and one little Erudite said something about their way to live. Maybe you can do something about Dauntless?" She looks at the boy hopefully. "Yeah, maybe," he says. "Wow, that's great. Now we only need a Candor, but that won't be a problem. I think there are some amongst our initiates this year. So let's start this wonderful day!"

Despite Maddy's speech there isn't much to be happy about at first. Susan talks about being selfless, but except for the children from Abnegation no one listens, not even the Erudite. I thought at least they would use this way to get more knowledge.

I sit on the floor and let some little Amity girls braid my hair. Before I looked around carefully, but there aren't any scissors in sight, so I trusted them not to do something terrible. It feels strange not to have my hair in the usual bun. When they are finished they want me to look in the mirror, but I resist. That's my Abnegation showing again. I am not allowed to look at my reflection.

Suddenly someone nudges my back. "Tris?" It's Meghan. She has a bandage around her foot. "I can't play with the others," she says. "Mommy told me it has to heal first. But it doesn't hurt and I want to play." I understand her. I was a little impatient too when I was younger. "What about we play a card game?" I suggest. "Or we can read a book."

"Books are for the Erudite. I want you to tell me a story." I sigh. I have never been very creative or anything, but I try. I tell about a little princess that lives in a castle. Soon I am surrounded by a group of little girls who listen to me carefully. When I'm finished, Meghan climbs on my lap. "You can tell very good stories," she says. "Now I am not so sad anymore." "Why have you been sad?" I ask. She didn't seem sad before.

"Mommy told me I am not allowed to say his name because he left. She didn't say why. I want to know why." She looks at me with big eyes. I have no idea who she is talking about. "I am sorry, but I can't tell you why," I say. "Maybe she will tell you sometime." "Yes you can! And he doesn't talk to me. I wanted to talk to him yesterday but he didn't answer. But you can talk to him." I guess I know who she means. The Dauntless boy is nowhere to be seen. Probably he is outside, watching the Dauntless kids, lost in his memories.

"I don't think you would tell me any more than you." Meghan looks disappointed when I say that. She is close to tears. "Mommy says I shouldn't think of the people who left. They are cowards. But Uriah was always nice to me and then he left me and I want to know why." Uriah. That has to be his name. It kind of suits him. I wonder if she could be his sister. They don't look alike, but neither do Caleb and I. That would also explain her mother talking about him.

I don't see him – Uriah – until it's lunchtime. We sit down at our table. Maddy keeps talking to Susan about farming. "It's a bit of a problem at the moment," she says. "It's the best season to pick the apples, but we don't have enough workers. I hope the Abnegation will help again this year." "I'm sure they will," Susan says. Abby nods. I think it may be strange for her to have both her old and her new faction together. I finish quickly and excuse myself. I need to talk to Uriah soon.


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